Scare You Straight News: Fat Girl Claims Rape After Bad Sex
Lesson 1: Never meet anyone offline unless you’ve at least video chatted with them in a well-lit room. Full body has to be on display.
Lesson 2: when meeting up with a girl off a dating site, or fucking any girl for the first time, always have a written consent form in your back pocket. To a girl it’s like already having a condom on before you even pick her up for a first date. Sure, she might leave you with your dick in your hand but one thing she will never be able to do is accuse you of rape.
Lesson 3: Don't be discouraged by this piece of news. You don't have to bring your A-game every time you step up to the plate. Level of effort depends on a variety of factors. Sometimes a D-game is more than enough.
Lesson 4: for the girls out there similar in appearance to the protagonist, when you look like crossbreed of Rosanne and Rosie O’Donell you will never get a guy’s A game. You are a cum dumpster (it’s harsh, I know), most guys are going to use you to bust a nut after a long dry spell, you’ll be lucky to get their D game, the ones that won’t are the young kids trying out new things and perfecting their stroke. The best you can strive for is to be the guinea pig of a young inexperienced college freshman. Just hope that he hasn’t spent much time on efukt. Or, really, really, work on your personality.
Lesson 5: When you’re fat bad sex is the only sex. Get skinny/healthy. Have better sex.
Submit Your Own Lesson
If you’re the one that’s always texting her and she always replies with few word answers, you won’t be bumping uglies anytime soon (ever).
If you can be only be good at one thing be good at lying. Because if you're good at lying you're good at everything.
Nothing says 'I was a filthy whore last year' like 'I'm giving up hard alcohol in 2012.'
If you have a job where you have to wear a nametag, nobody gives a shit what your name is.
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Don't accept a joint from anyone you don't know. It can be laced with anything from PCP and cocaine, to windex or bleach.
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