Tattoos and piercing seem like a good idea at the time. You’re 18-19, on your own away at college, you’re fending for yourself (parents might be paying for tuition and sending you a monthly allowance but that shit don’t really count), and you’d like to flex your independence for the first time. Prove to everyone that you’re grown. What better way to do that than to get a tattoo?
Tattoos symbolize independence, individuality, and danger. Something you want your potential sexual conquests to assume you have plenty of.
So you decide to get one, one which you will inevitably soon regret. To help you minimize that regret, here are 9 body parts you should avoid getting inked.
1. Small of your back. This one’s pretty obvious. It’s called a tramp stamp for a reason. NO ONE who ever sees it will respect you after it. Not your future boyfriend, not your friends, and definitely not your eventual kids. And it’s hard as fuck to hide once the shame finally sets in.
2. Outer bicep. Unless your part of an elite army unit, it’s just douchey.
Somebody must be a pretty big Free Willy fan
3. Upper neck area. Unless you belong to a street gang, it’s not for you.
David Beckham's version of a tramp stamp.
Game over for your self-respect.
4. Cheek (usually a teardrop). Did you kill anyone? Has a close friend been murdered? Are you starved for attention? Even if you answered yes to all of the above questions there’s absolutely no good reason for you to ruin your face more than it already is.
He's constantly crying becuase he found out that his diamond teeth aren't conflict free
5. Forehead. Yeah, you’re probably thinking “come on now, anyone attending college – community college not included – has to have enough common sense not to tattoo their forehead,” and you’re probably right. Just like everyone should have enough common sense to wear a seatbelt in a car…
$10,000 for a permanent online casino ad?
6. Ankles. Out of all of the places you can get a tattoo your ankle has to be the dumbest place of all. Makes no sense whatsoever. You’re feet are ugly. You’re ankles are gross and veiny. You should be doing everything in your power to divert attention away from your ankles, not shamelessly attract to them. And it’s one of the most painful places you can get one. And, and, the ink fades really fast.
"this way i'll never forget my name again!"
7. Anywhere around your stomach (especially if you're a girl). That little rose sticking out right above your hip looks sexy as hell when your 18 and in shape. Pop out a kid or 6, turn 40, and tell me if it’s still in bloom or if it now looks like it’s been watered with the devil’s piss for the last 20 years.
8. Titties. Refer back to number 7.
9. On top of your head. What’s there to be said? It’s going to hurt as hell. But at least you can cover it up by letting your hair grow out… unless you succumb to male pattern baldness. Then you’ll have to walk around as a 40 year-old proudly displaying your faded “guns” to the world or your chinese symbols that went out of style before they ever really got into style.
There are of course other ridiculous body parts you can ink up - eye lids, eye brows, inner lip, palm of your hands - but let’s assume you have enough common sense to avoid them.
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